Good and I mean good Bye

Now that we put Choco to sleep it's strange not having him around to say good -bye to. He was always ready to be petted. the cute black face, his sweet me-yow. I shed tears at the vet as he looked at me as if saying "I'm ready to go to heaven. your doing the right thing. I know that I will always remember him. those 16 years that he would sleep by my side. Choco was always a fighter. He never wanted to give up. All the way to the end he needed me to take care of him. "I will not die without you by my side." He said yesterday. Choco you will be missed. Thank you for all the love that you gave us for all those years. You were my buddy, my friend and my nurse when I was sick. We loved you and knew that you loved us. Thank you again for every day you were alive and a part of our lives.

DRAGONFLIES AND TEARS

DRAGONFLIES AND TEARS

The only times I tend to tear, is in the morning cold
once awake, beneath dark horizon skies unknown.

Once I was a dragonfly swift on the wind
perfect wings never stopping, I hover at you side

On winds that echo laughter sweet as rolling tears
like easy softness, spring tulips, or a daffodil smile.

As I now I remember, I should have cried or could
have put a thought of you, on golden wings in flight.

MOOSE

This is my dog Moose. He is a happy dog of 14 month. His b-day is April 3 2007. He's a smart puppy. He loved to play fetch the stick. He can sit, shake, lay down and some of the time he will even rollover. Moose is a good dog.

RECOVERY REMINDERS

One day at a time

Progress, not Perfection

Let go, and let live

Turn it over

Live and let live

Expect a Miracle

Don't Quit before the Miracle Happens

Easy does It

Work the 11th step everyday

LIFE WITH HOPE

This blog is out of the MA (Marijuana Anonymous) basic text.
Something that is not mentioned in the other 12 step programs is that you can work the 11th step right from the beginning. It states "Sought through payer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of Gods will for us and the power to carry that out."

This step is all about spiritual awareness. We should focus on building a relationship with a higher Power (God). By doing this our begin to seek such a expansion through prayer and meditation. When we seek, we find. For each step we take towards God, God takes a thousand steps towards us.

The key word in the 11th step is "only. we need to keep in mind that we pray only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. We take action, trusting in God's results even though what happens to us may not be what we desired or envision for ourselves. We let go.
By growing in faith we begin to understand that God can open up limitless and new possibilities. Faith provides us with motivation to surrender to God's will. We are all under the care of God. As we loosen our grip on the reins of you lives, we find we are being, slowly in the right direction - towards home.

When we have difficulty exercising faith, we should think of what we are grateful for. The practice of gratitude is perhaps the most moving and powerful way in which we can cultivate a conscious contact with God, giving thanks for those blessings that we have, both great and small - for health, sight, and hearing, Friends, work and sunshine; for children, flowers; for recovery itself. With gratitude, we can share our happiness and increases our sense of joy. peace, and security. Prayer becomes as much or our daily lives as the air we breathe.

It had been said the prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening to God. Let go and let God.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

Choco's Story

Here is the story of his life.
I uses to drive an ice cream truck. One day a kid came up to the truck with one of those large white US mail boxes and asked me if I wanted a cat. As I was getting a fudgeicile for a little girl. I said that we already had on and besides I would have to ask my wife first. Then I look into that box and there he was. A small black furry ball. His eyes were swollen and pussy. then it sneezed. I know that if I did not take this cat that he would die soon. So the only time I ever swore I said "give me the damn cat" Well he was sick and about 4 week old. I had to give him meds and mix wet cat food with Kmar (a milk based product) in order to keep in alive. Well I had to do that three times a day so I had to take him to work with me. I had all the kids on the route vote on a name for him. It came down to two. 1. Smoky 2. Choco Taco the Ice cream Kitty. So I pick Choco. The moms really like the cat. remember when your kids would ask? "mom can I have an ice cream?" "no" "please mom" "NO" "MOM I want ice cream" "I said NO and I mean NO" "mom can I go and pet the cat?" " Yes please go and pet the Cat" Kids would line up some would buy something and others would just pet Choco. Well after 2 years the health inspector found his litter box in the back of my truck and I was told that I could not have an animal. Everyone was sad that Choco was no-longer there. So I gave a free ice Cream to ever kid that gave me a letter to the local news paper. I send in over 74 letters. They came to write an article. I told them the reason that I did it was that I could not think of a better opportunity to teach young kids that there option count. The head line on the front page read. Choco gets evicted from ice cream truck.

FIBROMILGIA

I dont know if you have heard of this problum but it si no fun. I have been dealing with it for over 10 years. It is a so called fiberous mussel condition that effects many parts of ones body. It also come along with other syndroms. Such is cornic pain, Iritale bowl symdrom, fatig, headaces. There is not alot one can do about it besides try to manege all the parts of it. To live day to day and try to keep smiling.

Justine

Who is Justine? Well the is a good question. I meet her at a residential drug treatment center that I went to last month. she had been doing heroin all her life and was now ready to make a better life for herself. She 's now going to be at a sober living house in Santa Rosa. She promised that she would call me yesterday after moving in. she did not. So that gets me wondering that as she works the 12 step will she call me when shes gets to listing all those that she has wronged, will she then call and apologize?

12 STEPTS

12 STEPS

1

We were one grain of sand among many
piece of a by far greater fortress
coming to see I was now something apart
one small heart with little hope left
admitting each beach changes each day
towing me down under depressed delusions

2

No longer aware of a once faded greatness
lost, helpless, drowning, but still a small grain
franticly searching finding nowhere to attach
driven by some yet unknown force of spirit
screaming silently in despair help me, help me now
for a second time I land on an Isle of sanity

3.

As I sit in release with a new found friend
have we had enough of this self indulged destruction
alone I walked a life filled in shadowed shame
hands sinking in my now unblemished beach
ready to begin again building a new place to be
from small grains, framed in newly gained ideas

4

Looking at old pictures of that once great fortress
I notice the weathered window frames and broken glass
Some soiled and wrinkled bed sheets scattered on dirty floors
Loose door hinges rusty and ignored, an un swept front yard
Somehow this once great home has been neglected
And yet carefully hidden are some small polished toys

5

Looking again at this old house each shingle a memory
I remember the storm, of ‘98 that uprooted tree truck
How can I ever remove it’s bulk unaided, I think if a friend
I once had would still be willing to talk as we work together
To see all the fear I held so dear that never appear too close
Could you help me to remove this mask that hides the true me

6

With one hand sinking in the sand the other struggles
to hide my tears I now ask for strength to somehow
surrender my shortcomings to get into this home again
the deleterious memories of an unhappy man
False comforts, lazy ways and lost dream of childhood
Help me fix, clean or walk away from dependency

SKIPPY THINKS?

So I am a Poet. That would mean that you will see poetry here. I may even put your poetry here if I like it. If you want me to read your work then you will have to contect me and send something (like a poem? da)

IN MY PRIME

Movements have become
turquoise awareness in time
no longer frantic
now only climbing
on old remembered elm trees
growing more slowly
each fresh day dawns too
every other new color
staying much longer
within I find peace
knowing the simple pleasures
of being alive